Help. I can't take myself anymore.

I need to keep my mouth shut. My will to help others has led to me revealing personal stuff about myself.... so I can show how I relate to the other person so they won't feel so bad about their situation.... then... I realized.... Once they've moved on and gotten over whatever the fuck they were going through.... they leave with judgements and opinions about me.... and I am in the same boat I started in. I wish I could bring myself to say, "Sorry, can't help ya." But I've never been able to do that. Or maybe I should stop giving myself reasons to be ashamed.... I feel like a disgusting person.

Piss me off. I have had so many conversations with people, young people. And I keep hearing something that never ceases to astound me. "Yeah, I'm crazy. I drive home after drinking. Oh well." I guess they think it makes them sound rebellious and cool... I sound like an old maid I guess... but it pisses me off every time and they end up getting a lecture and several life stories from me about how stupid drunk driving really is. Even if they didn't take my advice to heart, at least I made them feel uncomfortable and slightly guilty for a short period of time. It pisses me off to no end. Another life was lost to a stupid drunk driver today. At 1 in the morning. On the way to get more beer. A 25 year old soldier is thrown from the car... and the driver... he's caught later, wandering down the street. And get this... HE WAS 15!!!! He has to live with this for the rest of his life. I hope it makes him miserable. Nick was on leave from his active duty....


Don't ever tell me that you drink and drive.... unless of course you WANT me to lose all respect for you.

5,000 page views.... doesn't seem like much for 2 years here on DA. oh well.

*update in life*
I'm suffering from a sever allergic reaction (likely to tomatoes... which sux cuz I love them) I have hives all over my body and the steroid pills helped bring them down yesterday but aren't really helping today. The itching is unbearable and I look like a leper. It's so damn hot in Louisiana but I have to wear a hoodie to cover myself up... don't want people vomiting when they look at me.

Also... I got a new wire in my braces yesterday and got them tightened and a spring added... the gap between my two front teeth is officially gone but my mouth is so sore right now... no chewing possible today i am afraid... and probably not for a while. I'd eat tomato soup as usual... but you know... that damn allergy thing.

I recently modeled for my friend Emily (Shiraya) for her photography class. Y'all can look forward to seeing the results on here soon enough... luckily the photos were taken before the hives.

My steampunk costume is well underway. I will photograph that as well.

TTYL
~Bethany

This is how I often feel at night. My bed is half empty. I long for the caresses, the kisses at the corner of my lips to make me smile, the fingers through my hair, the whispers, the heartbeats. I long for the mornings that are actually worth waking up for. The surprise interactions at 3 in the morning. The smell of him that lingers on his pillow long after he leaves it behind giving me something to cling to and comfort me. I long for a pair of arms around me when I wake suddenly from the many many nightmares I tend to have. I long for the kind of intimate conversations that I would never be brave enough to have in the harsh bright light of day. I long for curious fingertips and over-passionate eyes that are so filled with intensity of emotion that they can be seen like beacons of safety in the dark. I long for that excitement of a new discovery.