Certainty. Life's lessons have taught us that nothing is certain. In fact, that is the only certainty we have, knowing that nothing is certain. Every moment I live now seems to be striving towards that child-like feeling of freedom.... where we have everything figured out because our parents did their jobs and made it seem possible. But the older I get the more confused I get. And my confusion inevitably leads to depression. Therefore, the older I get the sadder I become. I've decided that I believe in love, but I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe that one person was made to be perfect for one other person and we aimlessly stumble about until we find them. I believe love is a product of circumstance..... that being said, is it even possible for every single person to find that love that they've been desperately searching for? Certainly not. Some of us are destined for spinsterhood. I may or may not be that kind of person. God, I hope not. I've been down lonely roads before and I almost didn't make it out alive.

I can't stand all the confusion I feel about every single detail in my life. I don't know what to point the finger at. Is it my appearance that bothers me? My lack of career planning? My love of children paired with my lack of want for them? Or perhaps it is my lack of life skills in general? I don't even know why I'm here on deviant art. Been here for 2 years and haven't benefitted much from my efforts. Has my art gotten better? Sure. But I have no illusions as to exactly how talented I am. I can never push myself far enough or hard enough. So I might take a break for a while. From everything.... and everyone. I always thought people needing space was stupid and a pitiful excuse..... but the more I think about it, the more I realize that everything I do is for the benefit of another and I have forgotten what I want from life. I hate who I am and I really wish it wasn't that way. I'm spiraling further and further down. No one can help me but me. I don't know when I will take this break.... but it should be sooner rather than later..... Later might be too late.